I spanked my child and feel guilty

I am 47 now and remember being paddled because i bit a kids finger that poked me in the face. Many parents feel bad if they have given a couple smacks on the bottom, but you have most likely done nothing illegal. I really hate it when i have to smack my son but i dont feel guilty about it because i dont do it out of anger and it was the appropriate method of discipline for the situation. Before i spank my child, i ask myself three important questions. Should i feel guilty for spanking an unruly 4 year old. The worse feeling for a child is to feel out of control, to not clearly.

I had one child i spanked, and i spanked her only once. Talking about when is the right time to spank a child. I didnt spank at all, and certainly not when angry. You cant tell your child not to hit others and then raise. Spanking is a hotly debated topic among parents and professionals, and feeling guilty from spanking is common. With help i discovered that my child did not have to be okay to convince me that i was a good mother. Instead of being soundly spanked for my childhood naughtiness stealing, lying, being rude and playing with matches, i was punished by the withdrawal of my mothers and my oldest sisters affection. What to do after you lose it wild child counseling.

Oct 24, 2012 feel very guilty about spanking my 6 year old daugther. I deserved probably every one i got, and i can remember maybe 3 of them. Im introverted and if i dont have that time to regroup then i burn out. If you spanked her for a good reason then do not apologize. They are pretty basic, but they help ensure i will not spank and rescind the punishment or feel guilty afterward. Many people would agree that children were easier, better behaved and more obedien. Although he said it nonchalanty, with a small smile on his face, i could feel the hidden carried in her chest all those years. So, even if a majority of americans approve of the practice only half of american parents actually spank their child. Feeling defeated i pulled my 9 year old over the knee and spanked her a few. There too many kids whose parents make excuses for them.

My sister, who is six years older than i am, also still lives with us. I wouldnt have a problem with my spanking my friends children, as long as they gave me permission, but i feel they should be their childs ultimate authority figure, not me. However, if you are lashing out in a fit of rage, you do need to check that. Learn when its ok to yell and what types of yelling are most harmful to your children. If youve spanked your child, you may feel guilty and contrite. The way my parents punished me was abuse and i will never do that to my son. Theres no reason i cant be happy and enjoy my pregnancy. Feeling guilty doesnt make it any easier on anyone. I have 3 children 1 boy who is 9 and 2 girls 12 years and 6 years old. Parents who believe in spanking are 49 times more likely to abuse their children. On the third time i gave him a good swat on the arm he had used for hitting. My mother admitted to me later in life that she would, in. Its one way i teach my older kids to respect authority and to take responsibility for their actions.

If he was good he didnt get his tail spanked, my son is now 18 yrs old and i still chew his butt out from time to time. Then the child breaks a glass, you spank, and he feels, i must be bad. Based on my experience, i dont recommend spanking and i understand your guilt. I would think that it would be scary and overwhelming to a child to have too much control, and to feel like their parents cant help them and teach them how to behave, feel peaceful, and happy. I think if more parents spanked there child instead of sitting them in a chair or not doing. Feeling guilty about spanking as a kid, i think i was never spanked. But a meltdown is looming and your child is not its host.

Is it out of frustration, anger, or is it a real discipline. Apr 15, 2010 my 5 year old daughter has developmental delays due to a seizure disorder she had between the ages of 1 and 2. Ive spanked my child in the past and now i feel guilty. You dont have to feel guilty about living with your. The reality is that you really need to ask yourself how many spanks should a child get. Its abuse when it occurs for years and possibly for their entire life. I feel guilty, but nothing else seems to work when she has tantrums welcome to circle of moms. Mild spanks may be acceptable for children aged 26, older children. A place to chat about parenting toddlers with other netmums. Here are good reasons why you should never spank your child. But then the final truth about yelling reveals itself. Confessions of a spanking mom no greater joy ministries. Do you wonder if yelling causes any negative lifelong effects.

That alone time when my little girl is in bed is not only fun and relaxing for me. Despite all the warnings and criticism, four out of five parents still spank their kids. Parents do need to discipline their child as best as they can and they should not feel guilty on how they go about it. If you slip and spank or slap your child if every once in a while your resolve not to hit dissolves in a moment of stress or fear for example, when a tot wanders into the street or continues to approach a hot stove following a stern warning and you lash out with a slap on the bottom or hand without thinking, dont feel guilty. Mar 11, 2019 even if youd never dream of spanking or slapping a child, dont assume your child s caregivers feel the same way. Next time try to explain to her why she is being spanked before you spank her. Nonetheless, if you have to ask i spanked my child, now what. On the other hand, if you are disciplining your children in such a way that leaves clear and visible marks and or injuries on the skin or body, you should stop and seriously think about what you are. Both kids napped for over an hour and dinner is waiting in the crockpot. Spanking her sometimes and acting like its normal discipline, but then other times doing it and feeling bad and apologizing will send a confusing message.

When he spanked me he made me feel ashamed because my family trusted him. He made my mom feel sad because he didnt have her permission. We dont feel very good about ourselves when we launch into a tirade on our progeny. The weather was finally nice enough for you to spend most of the morning playing and laughing in the yard together. Now before you think that its perhaps a drastic step to take against your own child, michael has received. Sometimes i feel guilty that i am on my second pregnancy and got pregnant on my first try with both, but shes not likely to ever be a mom. For instance, when i start losing my temper i feel myself getting hot in the face so i know to leave the room and calm myself then. Some days are much worse than others but i dont feel guilty about those bad days at all. Use the experience to teach your child that everybody makes mistakes, and how to handle contrition, remorse, and restitution.

Basically, they feel there is not enough solid evidence to accurately conduct a study and make such claims. The truth is back in the days parents spanked and slapped their kids not to hurt them but discipline them, and it worked. Being spanked as a young child shaped me into the respectful person i am today, she says. What have you done to be punished you are usually spanked with how old are you who are you usually spanked by do you want to be punished do you. For many parents, the idea of spanking their child is abhorrent. Mom found not guilty after spanking child recent topics. Oct 11, 2009 as a kid, i think i was never spanked. I have tried all different kinds of discipline but none seem to work. Jun 24, 2019 for parents who work outside the home, this is likely the top source of guiltyou feel guilty that you like your job, you feel guilty that you need your salary and even guiltier if you dont need the money. Dont be afraid to express your contrition to your child. But i feel that you need to sit down and explain to her why she was spanked and how she should have behaved instead.

I feel guilty about how excited i get for my kids bedtime. Now i have always gave my oldest 2 spankings if they were very bad up to maybe the age of 5. I spanked my defiant daughter, now i feel guilty, should i. I think you feel guilty because you know it was the wrong thing to do and im not judging you, i did plenty of wrong things. Apologizing or trying to rescind the punishment undermines your authority. So, if youre one of those parents who lost their patience and needed to address the behavior promptly and spanked your child, theres no need to feel guilty. May 31, 2016 former little league coach pleads guilty to spanking players. Oct 16, 2008 i was so frustrated that i just spanked her bottom, then felt terribly guilty when she wouldnt stop crying. Feeling guilty for spanking kids bottom as punishment mylot. One of my daughter said, in one of those family get togethers freeflowing edectic conversation, i was the only one spanked among my brothers. These questions run through my mind every single time i have the inclination to spank. I hope you enjoyed this post, proving old fashioned discipline methods are not always right.

Jun, 2008 i spanked my defiant daughter, now i feel guilty, should i apologize. You are in a very difficult position you are sister that has been thrust into mom role and you. I have had my kids friends over at our house many times and if they misbehave, i simply call their parents and they deal with them. Dec 16, 2009 my mother admitted to me later in life that she would, in fact, spank my bottom if she had it to do over again. Former little league coach pleads guilty to spanking players.

You dont have to feel guilty about living with your parents unless youre not pulling your weight. As you can see, its going to come down to whether you feel its a good disciplinary action or not for your family. Many experts believe the negative consequences outweigh any behavior benefits. I understand your emotional state and i would have screamed st my child and continued to yell all the way home. I said no, distracted him from the situation and he returned to do it again. I have to say im a lucky mom as my son is a really easy baby from the beginning. Mom found not guilty after spanking child sign in to follow this. I dont want to spank anymore and feel guilty about it. Sitters, relatives, teachers and other caregivers should be instructed never to administer any form of physical punishment. If you feel guilty at the thought of spanking your child, then you may want to seek out other effective ways to. I was so frustrated that i just spanked her bottom, then felt terribly guilty when she wouldnt stop crying. Aug 12, 2012 do you feel guilty after spanking your kids. On the other hand, if you are disciplining your children in such a way that leaves clear and visible marks andor injuries on the skin or body, you should stop and seriously think about what you are.

Feel very guilty about spanking my 6 year old daugther. I feel bad because i was angry and i had never spanked her before. Talk about all aspects of toddlerhood including finding the right preschool, dealing with tantrums, and ideas for keeping little ones entertained at home. The great spanking debate despite all the warnings and criticism, four out of five parents still spank their kids. I am sorry for your loss, and my heart is broken along with yours. Spanking leaves an indelible mark in the mind of child. When a parent makes their child feel guilty over the littlest thing. But, you say, i dont spank my child that often or that hard. So dont be guilty my dear, if the child deserves some spanking then do but please do it because you love her and not because you are angry with her. Even if youd never dream of spanking or slapping a child, dont assume your childs caregivers feel the same way.

Amy mccready is a recovering yeller and has helped thousands of parents calm their voices. A few minutes ago, my young son, the one i just spanked, dashed in with a hug and kiss for me and, with a happy whoop, rushed outdoors to play. Intellectually, i know that my goal should be to focus on the childrens feelings and. Do you ever talk to yourself that harshly when you make mistakes as you learn in other areas of your life.

We parents are humans too and we need time to just be. I have always thought i would spank my kids, but since having my baby, ive been on the fence, and spanked him a few times one to three swats, and. Thats because my parents were actually nice people practicing discipline in a way that, for their generation, was thoughtful. Get your brain and your body back on track with a few deep breaths. Plus, what to do if i spanked my toddler and feel awful. Here are 5 things to do after you yell at your kids. A child likes to feel that its all over now, that hes paid the price for his bad behaviour.

There is no time or situation when it is alright for a parent to make a child feel guilty or to make him or her feel like it. Saying goodbye to your beloved dog is heartbreaking and its even worse if you feel guilty about your dogs death. Many in our generation grew up being yelled at and even spanked, so its what we know. When you were angry, your body was in survival mode your heart rate was up, your breathing was shallow, your muscles were tense and your thinking was not clear. Spanking really didnt do anything but make you feel guilty. If you ever suspect your child has been hit, act immediately to remedy the situation. Studies suggest parents feel boys need more physical punishment because. Hitting your children may stop their bad behavior but will damage them and. Do you feel like youre constantly yelling at your kids. Test how hard you should be spanked take this quiz. Jun 01, 2016 coach russell made me feel hurt, the child said. I smacked my little boy and feel so guilty and ashamed. I dont, he sometimes needs a good spanking, and i can assure you it hurts his feelings more than his bottom. However, its been a couple days and shes a little awkward around me but she hasnt had her usual attitude.

My guess is that parents feel terrible about yelling because they think. Oregon law about spanking children portland criminal justice. The child will grow up fearing that he or she will disappoint their parent, and for some, this can prevent them from doing things they want. As a person who was wrongly spanked in school numerous times, and ended up in therapy for ocd because i never knew when the next one was coming. Some people spank as a last resort and some parents dont feel the need to spank at all. This is what happens when you hit your kids psychology today. Finally conquer your yelling habit with this 10step program. You likely just learned what works best for you now. What have you done to be punished how old are you you are usually spanked with do you feel guilty who are you usually spanked by do you want to be. May 23, 2018 many children deal with the effects of being spanked long into adulthood and may need counselling to process what happened to them. Most physical child abuse begins with physical punishment. I was spanked as a child and my parents found quickly it wasnt an effective discipline tool that worked on me.